


Heartbeats

by xLoveMx



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Feelings, You know the usual stuff, and all that jazzy, mentions of death and stabbing people with a sword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8317042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: “You´re very stubborn, you know? Forbidding me to die. Seems just like your style.” Astra chuckled as she squeezed Alex´s hand. “I´m not planning on dying. As I said: I have a lot of unfinished business.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [falsealarm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsealarm/gifts).



> Dear Emma! 
> 
> Happy Femmeslash Exchange!! I have to admit that this was very hard for me to write and I didn´t get it done (or started) a few days before the deadline. I still hope that you´ll enjoy what I managed to write up for you! :) 
> 
> Much love,  
> *Also the letter at the end was supposed to be in kryptonian, but the site wouldn´t let me copy the font, so here´s a link to a picture of how the letter is supposed to look like  
> http://www.bilder-upload.eu/upload/9a276e-1476813795.png
> 
> (Just so the last sentence makes sense ;) )

The only sound in the room was the beeping of the heart monitor. It wasn´t the first time Alex had taken someone down, and neither was it the first time she had seen someone hooked up to these machines, but this was different. This time she had almost killed someone close to Kara´s heart. And close to her own.

She would have been right to do so, surely, because if she hadn´t at least attempted to stop Astra then J´onn would have been killed and either way she would have needed to live with a burden. This, she guessed, was the next best thing. J´onn was alive and well and Astra was…well. Alive. The sword had managed to pierce her skin, but it hadn´t damaged any organs. The kryptonite had gotten into her blood stream though and while it hadn´t immediately killed her it had managed to weaken her enough that even Non had agreed to leave her in the DEO´s care. Not without making a deal to let her walk free should she live through her injury though, but at least there wasn´t going to be any fighting as long as Astra was in their care.

It would give them more time to come up with a plan on how to stop whatever it was that Non and Astra were planning with their army. Maybe Astra would even reconsider the plan now that they were saving her life.

Of course they had also been the ones threatening it by hurting Astra, but only because she had been on the verge of killing someone Alex cared about. And Alex Danvers didn´t care about a lot of people. But if she did, then she was willing to do what it took to protect them.

Which…made it all the more strange that she found herself sitting here, next to Astra´s bed, just waiting to see what was happening. It almost felt as if she was watching over the other woman, which would have been an indication that she cared, something that only made things worse somehow.

There had always been some sort of tension between them and Alex had assumed it was because Astra was hurting Kara, whether it was intentional or not, but she was beginning to think that there was a different reason.

None of those things, however, changed the fact that she had attempted to kill the other woman. She wasn’t quite sure how she would have felt if she had actually managed to take Astra´s life. Probably worse. Fortunately for Alex, and maybe not so much for everyone else (that would remain to be seen) J´onn had used the distraction Alex´ appearance had caused to take Astra down before the sword had managed to fully pierce her.

“You should be getting some rest.”

The voice that cut through the silence belonged to Maxwell Lord, technically one of the last people Alex wanted to deal with right now, but the DEO had called him in to help with Astra´s treatment, since he was the one who had studied Kara and probably knew the most about Kryptonians.

“I´m fine.” Alex replied, not taking her eyes off the woman before her. Even if she tried Alex knew that she wouldn´t be able to sleep anyway. She had yet to face Kara, and not knowing how exactly her sister felt about all of this made her anxious. Surely, she had tried to save J´onn´s life, but Astra was the only kryptonian family, apart from Clark, that Kara still had left and Alex had made an attempt to destroy that family, even if she´s had good intentions.

“No you´re not.” The reply came promptly and Alex hated the man for seeing through her so easily. He had always found a way to get under her skin somehow and she really needed to find a way to change that.

“What does it matter?” She asked, turning her head to face him eventually. “I´ll tell you: Nothing. What matters is that Astra recovers.”

Maxwell raised an eyebrow at her words, though the smile he had been wearing remained on his lips. “I´m doing my best,” He then responded. “The kryptonite in her blood is weakening her though. Kara is donating blood right now so we can begin the dialyses. But that´s no guarantee of success. I need you to know that, Alex.”

Alex felt the lump in her throat grow bigger, but she wasn´t going to let him know just how terrible she felt. He knew enough about her as it was and the last thing she needed now was to deal with Maxwell Lord.

“She´s going to be fine. We´ll do anything in our power to make sure she gets better.”

It was like a mantra, one that Alex had been repeating over and over in her head for the past few hours, simply to keep herself from going crazy.

“Of course.” Maxwell nodded. “I´ll check in with her once we have Kara´s blood.”

-

Alex must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she noticed were voices arguing with each other. Her shoulders were tense and she blinked her eyes open, joints popping into place as she stretched. The voices were getting louder now and it wasn´t until she turned her head to see Kara and Maxwell through a crack in the door that she realized it was them who were arguing.

“I told you, you can take more blood, I´ll be fine!” Kara sounded upset, angry even, and Alex felt the lump in her throat growing bigger again.

“You don´t know that. We´ve already taken more blood than we usually would and you might be almost invincible, but that doesn´t mean we can just drain you of all of your blood without having to face any consequences. And I believe you´re still aware what happened the last time you were unable to defend this city.”

“That´s not going to happen again!” Kara sounded even angrier and Alex knew the exact reason for that. She was angry because deep down she was well aware that Maxwell Lord was right.

“She´s always been a little stubborn.”

The voice jolted Alex fully awake and her head snapped around to find Astra looking up at her. The other woman´s eyes had a tired look about them and her skin was paler than Alex had ever seen it, but she was awake.

“More than that.” She replied and almost laughed. “But only when it comes to protecting the people she loves.”

“I assume…you´re not that different.” Astra smiled, and even though the smile looked worn out and tired Alex couldn´t help the relief that was flooding her. Part of her wanted to apologize for attacking Astra, but then again she had done it to protect a friend and Alex had rarely ever felt so torn in her life. Which was saying quite a lot actually.

“How are you feeling?” She finally managed to ask, deciding against an apology, because something was telling her that Astra wasn´t expecting one.

“Do you want to know the truth?” The older woman replied, gaze diverting towards the ceiling for a moment. “Like I´m burning from the inside out.”

It felt as if the atmosphere in the room immediately shifted and Alex opened her mouth to respond, but what on earth was she supposed to say to that?

Fortunately for her Maxwell chose that exact moment to enter the room while Kara stood by the door, anger still written all over her face. She had accepted her defeat, that much was clear, but she surely wasn´t happy about it.

“We´re ready to start treatment. But I´ll have to warn you, it´s not going to be pretty. The kryptonite will be forced to course through your veins at a higher speed, which will most likely cause you incredible pain. Of course we´re using a needle made of kryptonite to pierce your skin, but that will be out of your system with the rest of it, should this work out the way we´ve planned it.”

Alex could feel her chest tighten at those words and she forced herself to stay calm as she glanced over at Astra, who was simply nodding.

“If we don´t do this, I will die. Correct?”

There was a sharp intake of breathe that came from the direction of the door and Alex couldn´t possibly describe just how much her heart was breaking for both Kara and Astra.

“Correct.” Maxwell nodded and now even his usually so prominent smile had disappeared.

“Kara, love. I want you to leave the room. I don´t want you to see this.”

“What? No! I´m not leaving you here!” Kara protested and Alex could see her sister´s eyes filling with tears. “I´m not leaving you again.”

“Kara, please.” Astra´s voice was incredibly calm for someone who was about to endure a lot of pain. “I don´t want you to see me like this. I need you to be strong, okay? I need you to go out there and keep doing what you´re doing.” Their eyes met across the room and Kara was, once again, defeated. She glanced over at Alex briefly, as if to ask her not to leave Astra alone in this and Alex would have been damned if she did.

“I´m staying.” She decided, not even giving Maxwell or Astra the choice of protesting and neither of them tried.

Soon enough Astra was hooked up to the machine, her eyes closed, as if she was preparing for the pain that was soon to come. Alex´ body had stiffened and she watched as Maxwell did his work, briefly wondering if she would have been able to do it. She had the knowledge, surely, but the prospect of Astra getting hurt already had her hands shaking and if she would have been the one to cause her that pain, again, Alex wasn´t sure if she would have managed to go through with it.

“You know, I don´t blame you for what you did.” Astra´s eyes were still closed, but it was clear that she was speaking to Alex. “I just…wish that maybe we would have been closer. That I didn´t have to attack your friend or maybe that you would have…”

All of a sudden the beeping of the heart monitor got louder and faster as Astra´s eyes flew open. Her body arched off the bed and Alex could see the veins beneath her skin pulsing green.

Her mouth was open in a silent scream and it almost seemed to her as if Alex could feel the other woman´s pain. It was impossible, of course, but still. Her eyes flew up to Maxwell, taking a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Do something!” she then demanded, because she could feel Astra tensing up even more on the bed, sweat breaking out on her forehead as she seemed to try to keep her body from twisting under the pain.

“This is part of the procedure. Her body is fighting the kryptonite. I can´t do anything but stop the procedure. But if we don´t go through with it then she will die eventually.”

 _Dying._ Alex couldn´t let that happen. She had done this. She was the one causing Astra so much pain, and Kara too. Her sister´s pain might not have been physical, but she was suffering from seeing her aunt like this.

Alex was ready to demand that Maxwell would do something, anything, to relieve Astra of her pain, when she was momentarily distracted by a hand gripping hers. For a moment she felt as if she couldn´t breathe and then she glanced down at Astra. The other woman´s eyes were glassy, but they were focused on Alex as her hand gripped tightly onto the agent´s.

“Astra…” Alex whispered, swallowing thickly before she finally snapped out of her trance like state. “I´m here. It´s alright. You´re going to be alright. Just a little while longer.” She encouraged the other. “You´re a strong woman. I know you can do this. We´re not done yet. You and I.”

It felt as if an eternity had passed when finally Astra´s grip on Alex´ hand loosened and her body sunk back onto the bed. The green shimmer beneath her skin had faded and the heart monitor´s beeping was slowly going back to normal.

Astra´s breathing was harsh still and Alex noticed that hers was just the same. She willed herself to calm down and take a deep breath while Maxwell was checking the vitals.

“It´s alright. I´m here.” She found herself whispering, not letting go of the other woman´s hand.

-

It took a while for Astra to come back to herself and Maxwell demanded everyone would leave the room until he was fully done checking on her. Alex had been about to protest, but one squeeze of her hand from Astra had told her not to. So she hadn´t.

Instead she was pacing up and down in front of the room, having given up on trying to calming herself down. She might not have intended to say it, but Astra and her weren´t done yet. There were still so many things left unsaid, so many things left _unfelt_. Alex took a deep breath and almost startled when Maxwell made his way out of the room.

“What´s going on?” She demanded to know, arms crossed in front of her chest as she stood before him.

“Well. The procedure worked, but there´s still kryptonite left in her body. We´ll need at least two more attempts to make sure her blood is clean. I´ve talked this over with the patient and she agreed to my suggestion that we´d put her into a coma for it. Now before you say anything, Alex.” Maxwell reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder. “This is what´s best for her. That way her body can focus on getting the kryptonite out of her system instead of also having to make sure she´s awake, breathing and that all her organs are working in full force. She wants to talk to Kara and then to you. And she wants you there when we put her into the coma.”

Alex had opened her mouth to speak, but now she was closing it again, feeling her heart clenching in her chest.

“Fine.” She finally agreed. “I´ll get Kara.”

-

Alex had always felt a little anxious, for the longest part of her child- and young adulthood it had been part of her life, but this was different. She knew she didn´t have much time to speak to Astra and even though there was so much she wanted to say she wasn´t quite sure how to put it into words.

When Kara left the room and passed her Alex briefly rested a hand on her sister´s shoulder and Kara gave her a nod. She willed herself to walk into the room slowly then, eyes resting on Astra, who was still hooked to the machines. Her eyes were clear now though, and they were focused on Alex.

“Good…I wasn´t sure you´d come.” She smiled and Alex frowned slightly.

“Why…wouldn´t I?” She then asked, moving from the door towards the bed. “I was…I was the one who did this to you. I don´t know why you´d want me of all people to be here for this…but if you want that, then I´m not going to say no.”

Astra´s smile remained in its place and she lifted her hand slightly, as if she was reaching out. Alex immediately got the hint and moved in closer, lacing their fingers together. It seemed like such a familiar feeling, like this was how things were supposed to be, like this was where her hand belonged.

“You know…when you said we had unfinished business…you were right. I have…a lot of unfinished business. With Kara…with this planet. But with you…it wasn´t something I planned on adding to that list. But…I don´t regret it.”

Alex could feel her heart skipping a beat at Astra´s words and part of her wished that things wouldn´t have gone this way. That she could have convinced the other woman to join the good side. To help fight the aliens that were threatening this planet. But now they were here and there was no going back, just moving forward.

“You´re not going to die, alright? I won´t allow it.” Alex nodded, fighting the tears that were filling her eyes.

“You´re very stubborn, you know? Forbidding me to die. Seems just like your style.” Astra chuckled as she squeezed Alex´s hand. “I´m not planning on dying. As I said: I have a lot of unfinished business.”

There was a knock on the door, which Alex assumed was Maxwell, wanting to start the procedure. She glanced back at Astra and then lifted the other woman´s hand carefully, pressing it against her chest so she could feel her heartbeat. “I swear on my life that I will do what it takes to make sure you´ll be alright. And Kara too. I will fight for you to come back so we don´t have to leave this business unfinished.” She vowed, a tear rolling down her cheek slowly when she finally gave up the resistance and felt the walls she has so carefully constructed over the years cracking.

Astra´s lips were still curled into a smile and she tugged on Alex´ hand, pulling her closer. “And I vow to fight harder than I ever have to return to this life. To Kara and to you. But there´s one thing I need to do before I let him,” She glanced towards the door, “Put me to sleep.”

“What´s that?” Alex asked, trying to keep her voice steady as Astra pulled her even closer. Her own heart was beating so loudly in her chest she was sure the other woman didn´t even need her powers to hear it. Astra´s free hand came to rest of Alex´ cheek and she smiled before their lips touched in a soft kiss.

The walls Alex´ had built around her heart came crashing down in an instant and it seemed an awful lot like her to fall in love with a woman who was on the verge of dying.

“I…” She began, whispering against Astra´s lips, but the other woman was quick to cut her off.

“Not yet.” She whispered in return, hand petting the place on Alex´ chest beneath which her heart was beating. “I know what you want to say…but that´s business which needs to stay unfinished until I wake up again. It gives me a reason to fight.”

Alex nodded, letting the tears fall silently now as she rested her forehead against Astra´s.

There was another knock on the door and Astra nudged Alex, who needed another moment before she could move. She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and glanced back at the other woman, who still managed to smile somehow.

The door opened and Maxwell entered eventually. “I´m afraid we have to begin now.” He told them and if he noticed that Alex had been crying then he was gentleman enough not to mention it. Alex stayed right where she was, holding Astra´s hand right up until the moment the other woman´s eyes fell shut and her heart beat slowed down.

Alex almost couldn´t take her eyes off the monitor for a moment and it was Maxwell´s voice who pulled her out of her trance.

“She wanted me to give you this.” He told her, holding out a piece of paper. Alex reached for it, hands shaking slightly. “You should get some rest, she will be fine.” He then assured her before picking up his chart and exiting the room.

Alex sat there for a moment longer, slowly unfolding the piece of paper in her hands.

 

_Dear Alex,_

_It´s not often that two hearts beat as one, but when you find the person whose heart beats the same way yours does, then you should not let go of whomever that person is. I know you´ll be waiting for me and I will be thinking about you wherever it is I`m going now. Don´t despair and don´t give up, for our unfinished business will not remain as such for long._

_With love,_

_Astra._

 

Alex might not have been able to fully understand the note at first glance, but her heart was telling her all she needed to know and maybe, for now, that was enough.


End file.
